Sunday, February 8, 2009
clinging to the sooty edges of the bridges i can't stop burning. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. cutting cords and weaving their frayed edges weakly back together, apologizing, apologizing. arguably manipulative. rash, impulsive decisions: drugs, sex, strangers at rock and roll shows, making out with the driver navigating winding back roads. chronic feelings of emptiness, sometimes briefly negated by the right compliments like a spell. recurrent parasuicidal behaviors, interfering with the healing of scars, peeling off the scab and letting you back in to infect me. idealization and devaluation, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships. telling him i hate him as i kiss, telling him i love him while i bite. markedly and persistently unstable sense of self. he says he's in love with a girl who's an idiot, who's hung up on some guy who doesn't want her. unrequited unrequited unrequited. i can't pick myself out of this infinite recursion, which is the real me and which are just mirrors, imitations like a comic book villain. which one of us made the other in our image?