you know how when you are doing a really complicated puzzle and you think a certain piece fits in a certain spot but it just won't. and then hours or weeks later (if you leave puzzles out) you realize it does fit but you didn't turn it the right way? so, i got a piece to fit, and i wasn't even trying, it just happened.
and i get what my portion of responsibility was, and i fully admit my shortcomings. it does not take away from her end, but the perspective shifts. i don't want to admit that as it seems to me as though i am dismissing fault or that i find such a reaction perfectly reasonable, and i feel the opposite of those things.
but it has helped me to feel less animosity or anger or revulsion for a person towards whom i'd rather not have those feelings. granted, i will never see her again, and perhaps i will think of her even less often than i do now, which isn't all that often. it is still nice to finally be able to check that box and throw away that list that i did not know existed.